Imagine this: you and your spouse sit on a comfortable couch, talking to your couples therapist. “What brings you in today?” the therapist asks. You both take a deep breath and fight about who left the toilet seat up.
Does this sound familiar? We’ve all been there, if not in a therapy session, then in a fight about something that may seem trite but feel very big.
But here’s the thing: while the toilet seat fight may appear tiny, it can point to more significant relationship issues: negative interactions and negative patterns involving a lack of communication and understanding in the partnership.
Gottman Method Therapists can help with this. Many therapists have received intensive training in research-based strategies proven to increase communication, create emotional relationships, minimize conflict, and create shared meaning.
In other words, they have the resources to help you and your partner transition from the toilet seat debate to a more fulfilling discussion that addresses core relationship issues and helps your relationship become more satisfying.
Is the Gottman Method worth it?
1. Certified Gottman Method Therapists use evidence-based treatments.
The Gottman method is a research-based strategy that is scientifically proven to help couples strengthen relationships. The Gottman method is based on decades of research by John Gottman on what makes relationships work with thousands of couples.
Certified Gottman Method Therapists by the Gottman Institute are mental health professionals who have the expertise receive training, and the ability to employ specialized strategies that improve a troubled relationship effectively.
2. Certified Gottman Method Therapists can help you navigate life’s obstacles in New York City.
Let’s be honest: life in New York can be challenging. Numerous problems, ranging from extended work hours to packed subways, might strain your marriage or love relationship. Certified Gottman method therapists can help you and your partner learn how to communicate successfully, handle stress, create shared meaning, and prioritize your relationship.
3. Certified Gottman therapists identify the source of the problem.
Most people come to couples counseling with minor issues, such as disagreements over apartment duties or finances. However, a Gottman method-trained therapist in New York can help you and your partner identify the underlying issues creating these disagreements. This allows you to focus on the root cause of the problem rather than merely the symptoms. You can then manage conflict more successfully and ultimately create shared meaning in your relationship. Other adults come to couples counseling for major issues, like infidelity, domestic violence, trauma, depression, anxiety, feeling lonely, or desire issues with mental health.
4. You can strengthen your emotional bond.
A healthy marriage or love relationship is built on emotional connection. A certified Gottman therapist can guide you and your spouse to deepen your emotional connection by promoting communication, increasing intimacy, strengthening your friendship, and managing conflict more effectively.
5. You can improve your connection.
Finally, Gottman method therapy aims to help you and your partner develop a more fulfilling marriage or love relationship. You may navigate the difficulties of living in New York by learning new skills and practices to manage conflict better. You can also do social work to create a more solid, caring, and supportive relationship.
The Gottman method was developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, world-renowned relationship specialists. Thousands of couples worldwide have used the John Gottman Method therapists successfully. It has been shown to improve communication, increase intimacy, and manage conflicts better using emotionally focused approaches.
“Do I need therapy for my marriage? Isn’t that only for couples on the verge of divorce?”
Couples who manage conflict at any relationship stage can benefit from couples therapy. Whether you are newlywed or have been married for decades, Gottman Method Couples Therapy at Loving at Your Best Marriage & Couples Therapy in New York will help you learn new skills and ways to make your relationship more rewarding and manage conflict better.
What are five main components of Gottman Method Therapy
1. Building Love Maps
Do you understand your partner’s hopes, dreams, anxieties, and desires well? Dr. Gottman invented “Love Maps” to describe a partner’s inner psychological world. The Gottman method helps couples create a Love Map. It entails getting to know your partner deeper by asking open-ended questions and emotionally listening to your partner’s responses.
Instead of asking, “How was your day?” which may get a one-word response, ask, “What was the best part of your day today?” This will encourage your spouse to open up and share more about their thoughts and feelings.
2. Turning Towards Each Other
Turning Towards Each Other is the second of several Gottman method interventions that are also emotionally focused. This entails paying attention to your partner’s connection bids and responding positively. Connection bids can be as simple as a smile or a tap on the arm.
For example, if your partner says, “Look at that beautiful sunset,” you could answer more healthily, saying, “Yes, it’s stunning.” This shows your partner that you are interested in what they say and respect their presence.
3. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Rather than the biblical reference, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse refer to four behavioral patterns that might ruin a marriage or love connection in a Gottman Method of Couples Therapy context. Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling are examples of negative patterns.
Criticism attacks your partner’s character or attitude. You display contempt when you speak disrespectfully or condescendingly to your partner. Defensiveness is when you deny responsibility or blame your partner for your actions. Finally, you are stonewalling when you shut down and refuse to interact with your spouse.
4. Repair Attempts
The Gottman Repair Checklist is a shortcut to help couples get their troubled relationship back on track and manage conflict better. Because no one is flawless, disputes are unavoidable in any relationship. What matters is how you manage conflict. Repair attempts are the small things spouses use to keep disagreements from growing and to create shared meaning.
For example, saying “I’m sorry” or “I didn’t mean it that way” can be a mending attempt. These simple acts can prevent confrontations and negative interactions from escalating into more significant issues.
5. Emotional Flooding
When you experience emotional flooding during a conflict, you become overwhelmed by your emotions. It can result in stonewalling or other negative behaviors.
Pause when you feel overwhelmed to avoid emotional inundation. This break could include relaxing, deep breathing, strolling, or practicing mindfulness. In addition, taking a break helps your emotions to settle, allowing you to return to the discussion with a clear head and an open mind. Emotionally focused techniques can have a significant impact on helping you pause.
What does a therapist do in Gottman Method?
First, you’ll meet with your trained therapist for an initial couples counseling session. They will get to know you and your spouse, hear about your marriage or love relationship history, and discuss any difficulties or specific challenges you may have. Then, your therapist will develop a treatment plan specific to your needs and goals.
During treatment sessions, you will strengthen your communication skills, manage conflict, develop a better emotional connection with your partner, and create shared meaning.
Our trained therapists at Loving at Your Best may assign you tasks to do outside of sessions, like taking turns asking open-ended questions or practicing emotional listening.
Gottman method of trained couples counseling for a therapist listed in New York is distinguished by its highly structured and research-based nature. This means that your Loving at Your Best therapist will employ specific interventions and approaches that have been shown to improve marriages and love relationships. As a result, you may be confident that you are receiving effective evidence-based treatment.
“OK, but how do I find a Gottman Method Couples Therapist in New York?”
The Gottman Institute provides rigorous training programs for therapists seeking Gottman Method Couples Therapy certification. To guarantee they have the essential skills and knowledge to deliver effective treatment, look for a therapist with training in New York who has finished this training through certification, not simply a therapist who received training through a weekend or entry-level course.
Unlike most couples therapy approaches, certification in the Gottman Method requires several years of experience for the few therapists who obtain it. I began training in Gottman method therapists in 1999 at the Gottman Institute in Seattle, Washington. Since 2006, I have been a Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist. I am a licensed clinical social worker in New York and Vermont and a graduate of the clinical social worker and work school at New York University in 1995. I am also certified in emotionally focused therapy as a therapist and supervisor and schema therapy for couples as a therapist, supervisor, and trainer.
Why online Gottman Method Couples Therapy and Emotionally Focused Therapy at Loving at Your Best are effective online:
Let’s face it: New York can be a nightmare, especially during rush hour. Online Gottman Method Couples Therapy with therapists at Loving at Your Best allows you and your partner in New York to attend sessions from the comfort of your apartment or office (or anywhere with an internet connection if you are physically located during the session where your therapist is licensed)—no more fighting traffic or subway crowds or rushing to make your appointment on time.
Online Gottman Method Couples Therapy at Loving at Your Best provides greater scheduling freedom. In-person sessions are constrained by the therapist’s availability and office hours. However, you may have more schedule possibilities in New York with online sessions, such as evenings and weekends.
Live in a part of New York far away from a therapist’s office or require reliable transportation. Online Gottman Method Couples Therapy at Loving at Your Best can be a lifesaver. It enables you and your partner in New York to receive counseling without traveling to an office.
Let’s face it: therapy can be unpleasant at times. Online Gottman Method Couples Therapy at Loving at Your Best, on the other hand, can provide comfort and privacy that in-person sessions cannot. Furthermore, you and your partner can attend sessions in your safe and comfortable environment, making it easier to open up and discuss your thoughts and feelings.
Using Loving at Your Best’s online Gottman method couples counseling and couples therapist platform incorporates HIPAA-compliant, secure technologies that can enhance your counseling experience. For example, your therapist at Loving at Your Best may use video conferencing software during the session to deliver resources, such as worksheets or videos, to help information stick and enhance your relationship more quickly.
There are some potential drawbacks to online Gottman method couples counseling at Loving at Your Best. For example, technical concerns can occur occasionally but are rare. Furthermore, online sessions may not be appropriate for some couples with mental health needs who require more intensive or hands-on clinical social therapy—your therapist at Loving at Your Best will review your options and let you know if online therapy is not suitable for you.
However, for most New York City couples searching for a practical and accessible way to improve communication in their marriage or love relationship, online Gottman method couples counseling at Loving at Your Best can be a good fit for new clients in their life.
Certified Gottman Method Therapists have the knowledge and skills in social work to help you and your spouse develop an understanding for a better emotional connection, communicate effectively, and overcome the specific challenges of city life.
Seeking couples counseling and working with a family therapist does not imply your relationship is fundamentally flawed. Instead, it means you’re taking the initiative to better your relationship and practice building a more rewarding future with your partner as you create shared meaning. That is a good fit. For clients, what could be better than that?
You and your spouse deserve the chance to establish a strong, healthy, and loving relationship that can endure everything New York City throws at you.
And who knows, maybe one day you’ll walk around Central Park hand in hand, laughing about the time you fought over the toilet seat, knowing you have the tools and tactics to tackle any problem together.
Find a Gottman Therapist in New York City.
New clients can tap the link below to book their first consultation with our practice using a Gottman method therapist. We have many therapists who work as a couples therapist to provide a tailored approach to help you achieve your needs. You can also meet as lesbian couples with a family therapist to help families with Gottman method therapists, including a licensed clinical social worker and licensed marriage lesbian couples and family therapist and couples and family therapist who can be a good fit for your relationship.