How to Save a Marriage When Only One Person Is Trying

Marriage Counseling NYC

How to Save a Marriage When Only One Person Is Trying

Table of Contents

When there is tension in your marriage and you feel like it is falling apart, it’s easy to lose hope. This is especially true when it feels as though your spouse has lost all desire to save your marriage and you are the only one trying. It might seem like your relationship is doomed, but don’t give up just yet. There are strategies on how to save a marriage when only one is trying.

How to Save a Marriage When Only One Person is Trying

A relationship involves two people who are willing to work things out and to make sacrifices for each other. But that is not always the reality, especially if you believe that your marriage is worth saving. Can you save your marriage alone? 

Here are some of the ways on how to save a marriage when only one is trying.

See a Marriage Counselor

A marriage counselor is a professional who can help sort out any issues in your marriage. If your partner is at least willing to put in some effort, you can attend counseling sessions to work out the issues in your marriage. You can also attend sessions individually, especially if you are not civil enough to do a joint session.

A counselor can offer insights into your marriage that you might overlook. Their neutral perspective on the issues at hand will widen your view about your marital issues and encourage you to take on an objective point of view. 

see a marriage counselor to save marriage

Know Your Reasons

Why do you want to save your marriage? This is the first and most important question you should be asking when you are faced with the challenge of saving your marriage alone. Identifying your reason is crucial in determining whether it is going to be worth the effort or if you should abandon the marriage.

The list of reasons could be different for every person. You might want to save the marriage for the sake of the children, or if you are too embarrassed to acknowledge to your friends and family that your marriage failed. 

Whatever your reason for wanting to save the marriage, make sure it is for you and your partner alone. Otherwise, you are doing this for the wrong reasons. 

Work on Yourself

One of the best ways to save your marriage is to work on becoming a better version of you. It is easy for people in a marriage to put blame on the other when things do not work out. However, you can make your partner realize your worth by trying to be better – to work out your flaws. 

When you are too consumed in wanting to save your marriage, you end up focusing on the negative aspects of your relationship. But when you step out of that mindset for a while and focus on making yourself better, you switch into a positive mindset. The logic behind this is that you want to make your partner realize what made them want you in the first place. Working on yourself is just one step towards making that happen. 

When you become a better person, you are better equipped to handle the tribulations of your marriage. You are also enlightened about what you need to do to get your marriage to where it needs to be. 

Empathize With Your Spouse

You need to practice empathy if you want to save your marriage alone. Put yourself in the position of your spouse. By doing this, you will gain insight into their feelings and their perspective about certain issues you are tackling in your marriage. 

It is easy for married couples to forget that it takes two people to make a relationship work. Sadly, most people only think of themselves and are too closed-minded to see things from the perspective of the other person. 

Empathy is a valuable trait to possess if you want to save your marriage alone. It also reflects your commitment to the relationship because you are willing to put your own feelings behind in order to prioritize how your spouse feels. Taking this approach can rebuild your marriage since you work as teammates instead of acting like opponents (one trying to outdo the other). 

Communicate But Don’t Be Needy

Communication is one of the most powerful tools in any relationship, especially in a troubled marriage. Maintaining open and honest communication is a vital tool to use when you are trying to save your marriage. 

There is a fine line that separates communication from neediness though. It is important that you do not cross that line. When trying to save your marriage, you need to be openly communicating with your spouse about your desire to reconcile. However, you must respect their boundaries. Know when to communicate and for how often (for example, don’t call them several times in a day and wait for them to reply to your message before sending another one).

You want to project yourself as a strong and independent individual. No one wants to be with someone who is needy and desperate! Keep communication clear and productive. You do not want your spouse to feel like they are being suffocated and pushed in a corner. Give them a chance to figure out what they want! 

challenge of saving your marriage alone

Why Do You Want to Save the Marriage?

Take note of the tips above on how to save a marriage when only one person is trying. Not all of these tips are guaranteed to actually save your marriage, but they can bring you closer to that reconciliation that you seek. 

However, the most important thing to remember is the reason why you want to save your marriage in the first place. Is it because you have children together? Is it because you want to save face from your family and friends? Is it because you have invested a lot of emotions in your partner?

Make sure you are trying to save your marriage for the right reasons. That way, you don’t end up hurting yourself in order to fix a marriage that isn’t worth saving in the first place. And lastly, know when to stop trying. It’s good to put in the effort, but you have to acknowledge when you’ve done enough. 


  • Travis Atkinson

    Travis Atkinson, L.C.S.W., is the Director and Creator of the Loving at Your Best Plan. He has extensive training in marriage and couples therapy, based on over 27 years in practice, earning certificates from top-rated couples therapy models, including: *Certified Advanced Schema Therapist, Supervisor and Trainer for Individuals and Couples *Certified Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist and Supervisor *Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist *Certified Group Psychotherapist *Honorary Lifetime Member of the International Society of Schema Therapy Travis is a co-author of the latest schema mode therapy inventory, the SMI. He is also the co-author of two chapters in the recently published “Creative Methods in Schema Therapy: Advances and Innovation in Clinical Practice (Routledge, 2020) and author of “Schema Therapy for Couples: Healing Partners in a Relationship” in the Handbook of Schema Therapy (Wiley-Blackwell, 2012).

    View all posts
Share This :

Recent Post

Call Us Now!

Verified by MonsterInsights