10 Ways To Put Effort Into Your Relationship

How to Save My Marriage,Loving at Your Best

10 Ways To Put Effort Into Your Relationship

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If you want something, you have to make an effort to achieve it. The same applies to a relationship. If you want a happy and healthy relationship, you must put in the effort to allow it to grow and thrive. Unfortunately, a lot of people no longer put effort into their relationship, especially if they’ve been with their partners for a long time. Complacency could end up ruining your relationship because you make the other person feel undervalued and underappreciated. It is important to know how to put effort into a relationship so you can keep it strong.

Sleeping in the same bed every night and showing up to family events together is not enough effort. You need to nurture the relationship. Remember, relationships involve two people. You both need to put in the same amount of effort every day to ensure that you can stay happy and healthy together. 

What is effort in a relationship?

Before you delve into the list of things on how to put effort into a relationship, it is important to define first what ‘effort’ means. The simplest definition would be paying attention to the needs of your partner.

You could spend time with your partner and not be sensitive to their needs. Just being there physically is not enough effort. You need to be doing the best you can to keep them happy and fulfilled. This is what keeps the relationship going.

And effort does not have to be something big. It could be the little things you do ─ texting them in the middle of the day, or asking them how their day was. It’s simple things like that that will make them feel valued and loved.

How to Put Effort into a Relationship: 10 Tips

Thankfully, there are plenty of ways that you can show someone that you care. There is no one-size-fits-all strategy as every relationship is different. You can choose the tips that fit into your unique relationship dynamic. 

1. Prioritize your partner. 

It does not mean that you have to put off everything else, but if you can prioritize your partner, then do. Always make them feel valued by putting them first in everything you do, whether it comes to planning your goals in life or letting them decide where you will go on your next date. It is the simplest way to show them you care.

2. Show affection.

You don’t need to put on a public display of affection to show you’re making an effort. However, make your partner feel special by displaying affectionate gestures such as holding your hand in public or kissing you before leaving the house. Physical intimacy is an important component of a happy and healthy relationship, so make sure you have plenty of this.

importance of knowing how to put effort into a relationship

3. Do things together.

Spending quality time together is important to help your relationship grow and thrive. Even if you have individual hobbies and passions to pursue, it is important to find a common ground in your relationship so that you can do things together. Whether it is going on vacations together or watching TV at home, it is more about the time that you spend doing things together. 

4. Shower your partner with compliments.

It’s one thing to show your partner affection, it’s another to actually compliment them. Make sure you give them a little bit of both. If your partner has been making an effort to stay fit, let them know that you appreciate their physique. If they just got a promotion at work, give them praise for this accomplishment. 

Giving your partner compliments is not only good for your relationship, but it also helps build their confidence. A happy and healthy relationship is one where you can both make each other better individuals.

5. Surprise them once in a while.

Giving your partner surprises is a surefire way to make them feel special. You don’t need to spend a lot of money in order to succeed at surprising them. It is all about the gesture and the effort you’ve put into planning the surprise.

6. Make time for date nights.

Even if you’ve been married for a long time, it is important to go on date nights whenever you can. While you spend most of your time sharing dinner at home, date nights are a nice change of pace. It is a great way to make your partner feel special. Date nights also help keep some romance in your relationship.

7. Keep communication lines open.

Communication is essential in a relationship. It does not just mean greeting them with a cursory “good morning” or “good night”. You need to allot time to sit down and talk about your relationship – or each other, or anything. Give yourself time to catch up on what you’ve been up to. The more open you are about communicating with each other, the more you can build trust. And trust is essential, too.

8. Be each other’s biggest fans.

The person you married is not just the person you love; it’s someone you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with. Encourage them in everything they do, let them know that you support their goals in life.

9. Keep them satisfied sexually.

Sex and intimacy are crucial to every happy relationship. Making an effort for your partner is also something that must be evident in your sex life. This is a great way to keep the romance and passion burning in your relationship. 

ways to put effort into a relationship

10. Say ‘I love you’ everyday.

This might seem obvious, but you’d be shocked to know that a lot of couples are guilty of not doing this. Never ever let a day pass that you don’t remind your partner how much you love them and that you appreciate having them in your life. 

Why Is It Important to Know How to Put Effort into a Relationship?

Putting in effort is an important ingredient to a happy and healthy relationship. It will help your relationship to flourish and thrive. Without it, it’s easy for you to lose interest in each other. 

Just like a car that needs constant maintenance to keep the engine running smoothly, the same goes with your relationship. You need to put in effort so that you can keep the spark alive. 


  • Travis Atkinson

    Travis Atkinson, L.C.S.W., is the Director and Creator of the Loving at Your Best Plan. He has extensive training in marriage and couples therapy, based on over 27 years in practice, earning certificates from top-rated couples therapy models, including: *Certified Advanced Schema Therapist, Supervisor and Trainer for Individuals and Couples *Certified Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist and Supervisor *Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist *Certified Group Psychotherapist *Honorary Lifetime Member of the International Society of Schema Therapy Travis is a co-author of the latest schema mode therapy inventory, the SMI. He is also the co-author of two chapters in the recently published “Creative Methods in Schema Therapy: Advances and Innovation in Clinical Practice (Routledge, 2020) and author of “Schema Therapy for Couples: Healing Partners in a Relationship” in the Handbook of Schema Therapy (Wiley-Blackwell, 2012).

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