3 Ways to Be a Master in Your Marriage or Relationship

Travis Atkinson

January 30, 2013

Couples Counseling NYC,John Gottman

3 Ways to Be a Master in Your Marriage or Relationship

Are You a Master in Your Marriage or Relationship?

Is it easy for you and your spouse or partner to talk to each other, even about what may seem like simple things? If it is, chances are, your marriage or relationship is in a good place, and your connection is strong. If this is not the case, these little moments of silence, like a couple sitting together at a restaurant and starring at their food, may be signs of some stress or tension in your marriage or relationship. If these signs aren’t addressed, the result may grow into a snowball effect that ends up tearing many couples apart.

Every day, you and your partner or spouse make efforts to connect with each other, what John Gottman, the creator of Gottman Method Couples Therapy and the author of the newly released “What Makes Love Last” describes as “bids” for connection. Gottman and his colleagues viewed thousands of couples to see what the masters of relationships, couples who stay together and genuinely love being together, were doing to maintain the strength of their relationships. He also recognized the patterns of couples who ended up in disaster, breaking up or staying together miserably.

How Can You Help Save Your Relationship?

If you and your spouse or partner are aware of these “bids” for connection, and purposefully respond in a way that both recognizes and accepts each others’ efforts, you’ll likely thrive in your relationship together. Three steps we address in the Loving at Your Best Plan of marriage and couples counseling and therapy in NYC are:

Be aware of making “bids” yourself, and when your partner or spouse is doing the same
Recognize what you need, and invite your partner or spouse to tell you what he or she needs
After you share what you really want with each other, commit to making these dreams realities

Share Your Experiences

What do you enjoy doing most with your partner or spouse in your relationship? Are there challenges you face where what you both want seems to be at odds? Share your experiences with us, and share this post to friends or family who you think may find the information helpful.

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Travis Atkinson

Travis Atkinson, L.C.S.W., is the Director and Creator of the Loving at Your Best Plan. He has extensive training in marriage and couples therapy, based on over 27 years in practice, earning certificates from top-rated couples therapy models, including: *Certified Advanced Schema Therapist, Supervisor and Trainer for Individuals and Couples *Certified Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist and Supervisor *Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist *Certified Group Psychotherapist *Honorary Lifetime Member of the International Society of Schema Therapy Travis is a co-author of the latest schema mode therapy inventory, the SMI. He is also the co-author of two chapters in the recently published “Creative Methods in Schema Therapy: Advances and Innovation in Clinical Practice (Routledge, 2020) and author of “Schema Therapy for Couples: Healing Partners in a Relationship” in the Handbook of Schema Therapy (Wiley-Blackwell, 2012).