In the US alone, the divorce rate is 60%. This is a staggering statistic that indicates that the majority of marriages are bound to fail. This could explain why a lot of newly married couples give up on each other at the first sign of trouble in the relationship. But what if only one has given up and the other wants to keep trying? This might seem like a desperate situation to be in, but there are ways to save this relationship. In this guide, you will learn how to save a marriage when only one person is trying.
How to Save a Marriage When Only One is Trying
Taking on the responsibility of trying to save a crumbling marriage might seem like an insurmountable ordeal. However, it’s possible to bring your marriage back to where it was by taking these calculated steps.
Step 1: Ask why you want to save the marriage.
Before you do anything, ask yourself this question: why do I want to save this marriage? The answer to this question will open your mind to the realities of your marriage. Moreover, it will give you clarity as to whether your marriage is actually still worth saving – or if it is destined for doom.
Is it because you vowed to be with this person until death? Is it because you have children in your marriage? Or is it to avoid the lengthy and stressful divorce process? Whatever the reason is that you have for wanting to save your marriage, make sure it’s the right reason. Otherwise, you are setting yourself up for more heartache in the future.
Step 2: Shift your focus away from the problems and focus on real issues.
If your marriage is falling apart, it is hard to take your focus away from what is wrong with the relationship. In fact, it might be the only thing you think about. This is especially true for the person who caused the marriage to fall apart in the first place.
If you want to save your marriage, you have to stop thinking about those problems and what you did to get your relationship to this problematic status. Instead, look ahead to what you can do to fix those issues. You need to focus on the present and the steps you have to take to get the relationship to where you want it to be. By continuously dwelling on the past and the mistakes you’ve made, you deprive your marriage of the ability to make any progress.
Instead of focusing on the problems and the negative points of the marriage, highlight what is good about your relationship instead. For example, create a list of the things that you are thankful for in your marriage. Recollect some of your best memories together as a couple. You could also listen to your favorite songs or re-watch your favorite movie together.
Step 3: Work on your communication.
There is nothing that communication can’t fix in a relationship, especially in a marriage. Couples should be able to talk to each other amicably in order to discuss important issues in their relationship.
If you are the only one trying to save your marriage, do your best to communicate with your spouse. When you initiate communication, do so in a respectful and level-headed manner. Even if it was your spouse’s shortcomings that led to your separation, don’t play the blame game. It will only push your spouse out of your marriage and lay all of your efforts to waste.
Encourage open and honest communication where both parties can speak without judgment. This is the only way you can meet halfway and work out the kinks in your relationship.
Step 4: Give space when needed.
If you are the only one trying to save your marriage, you might seem desperate, especially if you are not getting the same commitment from your spouse. However, you should give them the space and time they need.
Wait for them to talk to you when they are ready and comfortable. Sometimes, a little break is a good thing as it allows people to gain a new perspective on things. Saving a marriage is a major life-changing decision. It can easily overwhelm someone who is in this position. Make sure you give your partner enough space to think things through so that they can make the right decision for themselves and for your marriage.
Step 5: Opt for marriage counseling.
The decision to partake in marriage counseling is one of the best ways to save a marriage. You can decide if you want to attend counseling separately or have joint sessions. Either way, counseling can help move you towards the right track for saving your marriage.
Counseling is a great way for each party to address any issues they might have and work on those problems. When holding joint sessions, it is also a great opportunity to get couples to talk to each other again – under the supervision of an expert marriage counselor.
When you are talking without a moderator, some couples might end up yelling at each other and it ends up that no actual communication happens. Getting counseling is a great way to analyze where your marriage is from a neutral viewpoint. Give this a shot when you want to save your marriage and you’re the only one trying to do so.
Step 6: Learn to accept the truth
If you are desperate to save your marriage, you want to give it your best effort. However, you have to realize when you have given too much and when the other person has not reciprocated the intent of getting back together.
If your spouse is still not willing to save your marriage, you cannot force it upon them. Shift your focus to accepting the truth and plan on the next course of action. You must accept the fact that a separation only means the end of your marriage, not the end of you. After all, a successful and happy marriage requires two people making equal effort in the relationship. You don’t want to be the only one trying.