How To Know When To Walk Away From A Sexless Marriage

When to Walk Away from a Sexless Marriage: Reclaiming Your Truth in New York

A sophisticated guide for couples navigating the intricate landscape of love, desire, and authentic connection.

It’s 11 p.m. in your Brooklyn brownstone. The city hums outside your windows. Sirens wail. Late-night conversations drift up from the street. The distant rumble of the Q train vibrates through the walls.

Inside, though, the silence between you and your partner feels deafening. You’re sharing Netflix passwords and splitting the Con Ed bill. But when did you stop sharing your bodies?

If you’re reading this after another night of careful choreography, you’re not alone. That elaborate dance of getting ready for bed without accidentally brushing against each other has become an art form. Meanwhile, thousands of couples across Manhattan and Brooklyn are living this quiet crisis. They’re sharing stunning apartments while feeling like sophisticated strangers.

The absence of physical intimacy creates more than just sexual frustration. It activates what schema therapy calls early maladaptive schemas. These are deep-seated beliefs that whisper harsh truths: “I’m not worthy of desire” or “Love always disappoints.”

These schemas can trigger schema modes like the Vulnerable Child (feeling rejected) or the Detached Protector (shutting down completely). Sexual desire doesn’t exist in isolation, after all. Research shows that emotional connection, mental health, and overall well being intertwine with our capacity for physical intimacy.

When sexual intercourse disappears from a marriage, it often signals deeper communication challenges. These underlying issues extend far beyond scheduling conflicts. Many couples face periods without being sexually active. However, when this absence stretches into months or years, it becomes what therapists define as a sexless marriage.

The distinction matters because prolonged periods without sexual activity often reflect fundamental relationship dynamics. These patterns run deeper than temporary circumstances.

Key Takeaways: When to Walk Away from a Sexless Marriage

• The statistics are sobering: Up to 74% of sexless marriages end in divorce—more than double the rate for couples maintaining regular intimacy. But this isn’t just about numbers; it’s about the profound emotional toll that sexual disconnection takes on sophisticated urban couples.
• NYC couples face unique intimacy challenges: Between crushing work schedules, $4,500+ Brooklyn rents, and paper-thin apartment walls, maintaining sexual connection requires intentional effort. However, when avoidance lasts beyond six months, research shows couples rarely resolve the issue without professional help.
• Red flags demand immediate attention: Partner refusal to discuss intimacy, using sex as control, emotional manipulation, or complete avoidance of physical touch signal deeper relationship dysfunction requiring expert intervention.
• Schema patterns drive sexual disconnection: Early maladaptive schemas like Emotional Deprivation (“My needs won’t be met”) or Defectiveness (“I’m unworthy of desire”) create protective modes that shut down intimacy and emotional connection.
• Evidence-based therapy works—but requires mutual commitment: Approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy, Schema Therapy, and the Gottman Method have proven success rates for rebuilding both emotional and physical intimacy, even after years of sexual disconnection.
• The mental health impact is severe: Sexless marriages significantly increase rates of depression, anxiety, and diminished self-worth. The emotional suffering often extends beyond the bedroom, affecting work performance, friendships, and overall life satisfaction.

Living as elegant strangers in your beautiful Manhattan or Brooklyn home isn’t the sophisticated relationship you deserve. Whether you’re ready to rebuild intimacy or considering walking away from a sexless marriage, understanding these patterns—and knowing when professional guidance becomes essential—can transform your relationship’s future.

Understanding the Urban Landscape of Modern Love

Defining a Sexless Marriage in Contemporary Terms

A sexless marriage typically involves sexual intercourse fewer than ten times annually. This isn’t about those weeks when work deadlines collide with family obligations. Instead, we’re discussing sustained absence of sexual activity in a couple’s sex life. This creates emotional distance and relationship strain over time.

In schema therapy terms, this absence often activates Emotional Deprivation schemas. These are beliefs that our needs for connection won’t be met, no matter how much you talk about your needs. Partners may slip into Disconnection and Rejection patterns. Consequently, feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness get reinforced. These psychological frameworks help explain why sexless relationships feel so emotionally devastating.

Physical intimacy serves multiple functions beyond sexual gratification. It provides stress relief, emotional bonding, and unique communication between partners. When this connection disappears, couples often experience increased stress. Moreover, they feel isolation within their own relationship.

The Mental Health Connection

The ripple effects extend to mental health as well. Research in clinical psychology demonstrates clear patterns. Individuals in sexually unfulfilling marriages show higher rates of depression and anxiety. The emotional suffering from feeling unwanted affects self-worth. Furthermore, it impacts overall life satisfaction significantly.

The Urban Reality: When City Life Kills Intimacy

Living in New York presents unique challenges to maintaining sexual connection. After navigating Penn Station during rush hour or waiting 20 minutes for the L train, the last thing many couples want is physical intimacy. The constant urban stimulation, construction noise outside your Williamsburg apartment, your neighbor’s late-night Netflix marathons bleeding through thin walls, can leave partners feeling overstimulated and emotionally depleted.

Moreover, the financial pressures of Manhattan and Brooklyn life often mean couples are working longer hours just to afford their Park Slope one-bedroom. When you’re both pulling 60-hour weeks to cover ever-increasing rent, finding time and energy for physical connection becomes another item on an impossible to-do list.

The Complex Dance of Desire and Disconnection

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) reveals that sexual intimacy and emotional connection stem from fundamental attachment needs—our drive to feel safe, valued, and connected. When physical intimacy fades, negative interaction cycles emerge where one partner pursues while the other withdraws, creating deeper disconnection.

Emily Nagoski’s groundbreaking work in “Come Together” reframes our understanding of sexual desire. She explains that “spontaneous desire”—wanting sex out of nowhere—isn’t the only healthy pattern. Many people experience “responsive desire,” which emerges within the right context after feeling emotionally safe or physically close.

This distinction transforms how we understand sexual incompatibility. Sometimes what appears to be mismatched libidos actually reflects different desire patterns or unmet emotional needs. Creating conditions for responsive desire requires emotional intimacy and psychological safety between partners so that you can start to talk about your needs.

Sexual relationship satisfaction correlates strongly with overall relationship happiness. Partners who feel fulfilled in their sex life report higher levels of emotional connection and general marriage satisfaction. Conversely, those in a sexless relationship often describe feeling lonely, rejected, and misunderstood within their own home.

When Sexual Incompatibility Becomes Unbearable

Recognizing When Incompatible Sex Drives Signal Deeper Issues

Sometimes the challenge isn’t relationship problems but fundamental differences in sexual interest. One partner may maintain a high sex drive while the other experiences minimal sexual desire. These incompatible sex drives create ongoing tension and frustration for both individuals.

Sexual interest varies naturally among people. Some crave frequent sexual activity while others feel satisfied with occasional intimacy. Neither approach is inherently problematic, but significant disparities can create challenging relationship dynamics that require careful navigation.

The partner with higher sexual desire may feel constantly rejected and unwanted. Meanwhile, the partner with lower sexual interest might feel pressured and guilty for not meeting their spouse’s sexual needs. This cycle of desire and avoidance can systematically destroy emotional intimacy over time.

When couples stop being sexually active due to these differences, it often indicates that communication about desire has broken down completely. They don’t talk about it. Many couples find that addressing the emotional disconnection helps them navigate different sex drives more successfully.

Communication Challenges Around Intimate Needs

Many couples struggle to talk openly about their sexual needs and desires. They miss the opportunity to make sense of their sexual disconnection. Cultural conditioning, shame, and fear of rejection prevent honest conversations about physical intimacy. These communication issues can transform manageable differences into insurmountable obstacles.

The Gottman Method emphasizes love maps—truly knowing your partner’s inner world, including vulnerabilities and needs. When partners stop sharing or listening, misunderstandings multiply. Without turning toward each other’s bids for connection, sexual and emotional disconnection deepens progressively.

Effective communication about sex requires vulnerability and emotional courage. Partners need to feel safe expressing desires, boundaries, and concerns without fear of judgment or rejection. When this safe space doesn’t exist, sexual problems typically worsen rather than improve. Fear of reaction can become a difficult hurdle to cross.

Some individuals have never learned to articulate their sexual needs clearly. They hint, hope, or harbor resentment instead of directly addressing concerns. This indirect communication style rarely resolves sexual incompatibility and often creates additional relationship issues. One partner never gets to make sense of the problem from the other partner’s experience.

When to Walk Away from Sexless Marriage: Critical Red Flags

When Your Partner Refuses to Acknowledge the Problem

The most significant red flag appears when one partner refuses to acknowledge that problems exist. If you’ve expressed concerns about lack of sex and your spouse dismisses your feelings or denies issues, you’re facing more than sexual incompatibility.

In schema therapy terms, persistent denial can activate Disconnection and Rejection schema domains, leaving you feeling invisible or unworthy. EFT would identify this as attachment bond breakdown—when one partner cannot respond to emotional signals, the relationship foundation weakens.

Healthy relationships require both partners to take concerns seriously. When someone consistently minimizes your needs or refuses conversations about intimacy, they’re communicating disrespect for your emotional well being and relationship investment.

This dismissive behavior often extends beyond sexual issues. Partners who won’t acknowledge sexual problems frequently show similar patterns elsewhere. They may avoid difficult conversations, minimize feelings, or refuse working on relationship improvements.

Withholding Sex as Emotional Control and Manipulation

Some individuals use withholding sex as a method to control their partner’s behavior. This manipulation creates toxic relationship dynamics extending far beyond the bedroom. Sex becomes a reward for compliance or punishment for perceived slights.

If sex is withheld as control, it may reflect maladaptive coping modes like the “Punitive Parent” or “Detached Protector.” This dynamic undermines trust, a key pillar in the Gottman Sound Relationship House framework.

Emotional manipulation through sexual control constitutes a form of abuse. It creates an atmosphere where one partner constantly tries earning sexual affection through compliance. This dynamic destroys trust and authentic emotional connection systematically.

No one should have to earn basic affection and intimacy through perfect behavior or submission. If your spouse uses sex as a bargaining chip or weapon, you’re not dealing with sexual incompatibility but emotional abuse requiring immediate attention.

When Infidelity Becomes the Misguided Solution

Sometimes partners in a sexless marriage seek sexual fulfillment outside their relationship. While infidelity isn’t automatically grounds for divorce, it often indicates that sexual problems have reached critical mass. The difficult hurdle of a sexless marriage gets even more daunting with the addition of an affair.

Infidelity often emerges when emotional and physical needs go unmet for extended periods. While not inevitable, it signals that negative cycles and unmet schemas have reached breaking points. Repair requires rebuilding trust and addressing underlying patterns, not just the betrayal itself.

The decision to cheat rather than address sexual issues directly shows breakdown in communication and commitment. Instead of working together to fix things, one partner has chosen deception and betrayal as their solution.

Infidelity adds complexity layers to already difficult situations. Trust must be rebuilt while simultaneously addressing original sexual problems. Many couples find this dual challenge overwhelming and impossible to navigate successfully without professional support.

The Mental Health Impact of Sustained Sexual Frustration

Depression and Anxiety in Sexless Relationships

Living in a sexless marriage takes significant tolls on mental health. Constant rejection, loneliness, and frustration can trigger depression and anxiety disorders. Partners may begin questioning their attractiveness, worth, and overall desirability in ways that affect every aspect of life.

Schema therapy recognizes that unmet core emotional needs—like connection, validation, and autonomy—can lead to depression and anxiety. EFT highlights how persistent emotional disconnection creates distress, reinforcing negative cycles that compound over time and affect mental health.

The psychological impact often extends beyond the relationship itself. Individuals may lose confidence in social situations, struggle with self-esteem at work, or develop anxiety about their overall attractiveness and value as people. This emotional suffering can feel overwhelming.

Sleep patterns, appetite, and energy levels frequently suffer when someone feels sexually rejected in marriage. The stress of living with unmet needs while maintaining happy relationship appearances can prove emotionally exhausting and damaging to overall well being.

Research in clinical psychology shows that married couples in sexless relationships report significantly higher rates of depression, anxiety, and general life dissatisfaction compared to couples with fulfilling physical relationships.

The Cascade Effect on Overall Well Being

Sexual frustration doesn’t stay contained within bedroom walls. It seeps into other life areas, affecting work performance, friendships, and overall life satisfaction. Partners may become irritable, withdrawn, or emotionally distant across all relationships.

Emily Nagoski emphasizes that sexual well being intertwines with overall life satisfaction. She encourages couples focusing on pleasure and authenticity rather than frequency or performance. Her “emotional floor plan” concept helps partners identify conditions supporting their readiness for intimacy.

The energy required to suppress sexual needs and maintain relationship harmony can leave individuals feeling completely depleted. They may lose interest in previously enjoyed activities or struggle maintaining enthusiasm for life generally.

Many people report feeling like they’re living lies when pretending their sexless marriage doesn’t bother them. This internal conflict between public presentation and private suffering contributes to feelings of isolation and hopelessness.

Professional Help: When Marriage Therapy Can Make a Difference

The Role of Sex Therapy in Healing Intimate Connections

What Kind of Therapy Do You Really Need to Fix a Sexless Marriage?

Quick Self-Assessment: Is Your Marriage Sexless or Just in a Rut?

Take a moment to honestly evaluate your situation and consider what may be a deal breaker:

Red Flags That Suggest Deep Issues:

• Physical intimacy has been absent for 6+ months without medical reasons
• Your partner refuses to discuss the lack of sex or dismisses your concerns
• Withholding sex is used as punishment or control
• One partner actively avoids physical touch entirely
• Conversations about intimacy lead to arguments or stonewalling

Signs of a Temporary Dry Spell:

• Sexual intimacy decreased due to specific stressors (new job, family issues, health concerns)
• Both partners acknowledge the issue and express willingness to work on it
• Physical affection (cuddling, kissing) continues even without sexual activity
• Open communication exists about needs and concerns
• Professional help is welcomed by both partners

If you identified more red flags than positive signs, you may be dealing with deeper relationship dynamics that require professional support to address effectively.

Practical Strategies for Addressing Sexual Disconnection

Creating Safe Spaces for Difficult Conversations

Open communication about sexual needs requires environments where both partners feel safe expressing themselves honestly. This means establishing ground rules for discussions and committing to listen without judgment or defensiveness. Creating this safe space often becomes the foundation for rebuilding sexual intimacy as a person.

Gottman’s principle of turning toward and building love maps helps partners create safety for honest dialogue. EFT encourages expressing vulnerable emotions, which can break negative cycles and foster secure attachment between partners who have drifted apart.

Choose times for these conversations when you’re both relaxed and won’t face interruptions. Avoid discussing sexual issues during arguments or when emotions run high. The goal is understanding, not winning or proving points about who’s responsible for the lack of sex.

Use “I” statements to express feelings and needs rather than accusatory language. Focus on your own experience rather than criticizing your partner’s behavior or attitudes. This approach reduces defensiveness and promotes productive dialogue about difficult topics.

Creating NYC-Specific Solutions for Intimacy

Privacy Challenges in Small Spaces: Living in a 600-square-foot apartment with paper-thin walls requires creativity. Consider investing in a white noise machine or strategic furniture placement. Some Brooklyn couples find that weekend getaways to upstate Airbnbs provide the space and quiet needed to reconnect physically.

Scheduling Around City Life: Unlike suburban couples, Manhattan and Brooklyn partners often need to actively schedule intimacy around subway delays, late work meetings, and unpredictable city chaos. Try “morning coffee dates” before the city wakes up, or Sunday afternoon “naps” when the neighborhood quiet creates space for connection.

Urban Date Ideas That Rebuild Connection: Skip the crowded restaurant scene and try intimate alternatives that foster conversation. Walk the Brooklyn Promenade at sunset, explore quiet corners of Prospect Park, or create a “staycation” in your own apartment with delivery from that amazing Lebanese place in your neighborhood. The goal is creating space for emotional intimacy that can naturally rebuild physical desire.

Addressing Individual Factors That Affect Desire

Sexual desire can be influenced by numerous individual factors including stress levels, health conditions, medications, and past experiences. Identifying and addressing these factors can significantly impact sexual interest and enjoyment.

Nagoski recommends identifying and addressing stressors, body image concerns, and relationship myths that may be obstacles. Her approach emphasizes creating conditions where desire can flourish naturally rather than forcing it.

Stress management techniques like exercise, meditation, or therapy can help improve overall well being and sexual desire. Addressing work pressures, family obligations, or other life stressors often has positive effects on sexual interest.

Medical conditions or medications can significantly impact sexual function and desire. Consulting with healthcare providers about these issues may reveal treatable causes of sexual problems that couples can address together.

Life Circumstances That Complicate Sexual Relationships

Parenting Pressures and Sexual Intimacy

Raising children creates unique challenges for maintaining sexual intimacy. Sleep deprivation, constant attention demands, and reduced privacy can significantly impact couples’ sex lives. Many couples find their sexual relationship changes dramatically after having children.

Both EFT and the Gottman Method recognize that external stressors like parenting can activate negative cycles or reduce connection opportunities. Nagoski encourages couples to communicate openly about these challenges and co-create solutions.

The physical and emotional demands of parenting can leave partners feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. Finding time and energy for sexual intimacy requires intentional effort and creativity when children are involved.

Some couples struggle transitioning between their roles as parents and lovers. The same hands that change diapers and wipe noses must also create passion and desire. This psychological shift can be challenging for many individuals.

Career Stress and Sexual Connection

High-pressure careers can consume emotional and physical energy otherwise available for intimate relationships. Long work hours, travel demands, and job stress can significantly impact sexual desire and availability.

Work stress can trigger schemas related to Overvigilance and Inhibition, leading to emotional shutdown or perfectionism. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward meaningful change and connection.

When one or both partners deal with significant work pressures, sexual intimacy often becomes lower priority. However, physical connection can actually provide stress relief and emotional support during challenging professional periods.

Finding balance between career demands and relationship needs requires ongoing communication and commitment from both partners. Some couples need actively scheduling time for intimacy to ensure their sexual relationship doesn’t get lost in professional obligations.

Health Issues and Physical Limitations

Medical conditions, chronic pain, or physical disabilities can significantly impact sexual function and desire. These challenges require compassion, creativity, and often professional guidance to navigate successfully.

Schema therapy and Nagoski’s work both highlight the importance of compassion and flexibility when health issues affect intimacy. Redefining what intimacy means can help couples stay connected despite physical challenges.

Some health conditions or medications directly affect sexual function, making traditional sexual activity difficult or impossible. Couples facing these challenges may need redefining intimacy and exploring alternative forms of physical connection.

Mental health conditions like depression or anxiety can also significantly impact sexual desire and enjoyment. Addressing these underlying issues through therapy or medication can often improve sexual relationships as well.

Financial and Practical Considerations

The Cost of Professional Help

Sex therapy and marriage counseling represent significant financial investments that not all couples can afford. The cost of professional help may create additional stress in relationships already struggling with sexual issues.

Gottman and EFT approaches can be adapted for different budgets, including group sessions or self-guided resources. Community support and online programs may also provide helpful alternatives to traditional therapy.

Some insurance plans cover mental health services including couples therapy, but coverage varies significantly. Researching available options and discussing fees with potential therapists helps couples make informed decisions about seeking professional help.

Community resources, support groups, and online programs may provide more affordable alternatives to traditional therapy. While these options may not replace professional counseling, they can offer valuable support and guidance for couples working on sexual issues.

Logistics of Separation and Divorce

The practical aspects of ending a marriage due to sexual incompatibility involve numerous complex decisions about finances, housing, and legal arrangements. These considerations often influence whether couples choose working on their relationship or pursuing separation.

If you decide to separate, schema therapy can support identifying and healing schemas that contributed to relationship patterns, helping you move forward in healthier ways for future relationships.

Divorce proceedings can be emotionally and financially draining, regardless of underlying reasons for the relationship’s end. Understanding potential costs and timeline for legal separation helps couples make informed decisions about their future.

Some couples choose trial separations before pursuing divorce, allowing time to work on individual issues or gain perspective on their relationship. This approach can provide clarity about whether the marriage is worth saving or if divorce is the best option.

Creating a More Fulfilling Life

Creating a More Fulfilling Life Through Authentic Connection

Sometimes addressing sexual issues in marriage reveals that individuals have lost touch with their own desires and interests. Rediscovering personal identity outside the relationship can be crucial for moving forward, whether together or apart. This journey toward a more fulfilling life often requires courage and self-compassion.

Schema therapy encourages developing the “Healthy Adult” mode—reconnecting with your own needs, values, and desires. Nagoski stresses the importance of authenticity and self-compassion throughout this journey toward creating a fulfilling life that honors your true self.

Many people suppress their own needs and desires in unsuccessful attempts to make their marriage work. Reconnecting with individual interests, goals, and values can provide clarity about what type of relationship would create genuine fulfillment and happiness.

Personal growth work, whether through therapy, meditation, creative pursuits, or other activities, can help individuals understand their own needs better. This self-awareness becomes crucial for making decisions about the relationship’s future and what constitutes authentic well being.

The process of seeking support and professional guidance often reveals new possibilities for growth and connection. Whether couples choose to work on their relationship or walk away from their sexless marriage, the experience can lead to greater self-understanding and more authentic relationships.

Seeking Support and Professional Guidance

Dealing with a sexless marriage can feel isolating and shameful. Building connections with trusted friends, family members, or support groups can provide emotional support and practical guidance during this challenging time. Creating a safe space for honest conversation about these struggles proves essential for mental health.

EFT and Gottman both value the role of community and support in healing and growth. Having people who understand your struggles can make a significant difference in your mental health and decision-making process when considering whether to walk away from a sexless relationship.

Many couples feel embarrassed discussing sexual problems in their marriage, leading to isolation and increased emotional suffering. Finding safe spaces to share experiences and receive support can significantly impact mental health and decision-making clarity during difficult transitions.

Online communities and support groups specifically for people dealing with sexless marriages can provide valuable connection and understanding. Hearing others’ experiences can help normalize the struggle and provide hope for resolution, whether through renewed intimacy or healthy separation.

Professional couples therapy offers structured support for addressing both sexual and emotional challenges. When both partners commit to the process, therapy can help identify whether the relationship can be restored or if walking away represents the healthiest choice for everyone involved.

Exploring New Possibilities

Whether couples choose working on their relationship or pursuing separation, the process often opens new possibilities for personal growth and fulfillment. This evaluation period can lead to positive changes regardless of the relationship’s outcome.

Nagoski’s approach focuses on finding pleasure and meaning rather than meeting external expectations. Her “emotional floor plan” helps couples and individuals identify what truly supports their sexual and relational well being.

Some individuals discover new aspects of their sexuality or relationship preferences through this process. Others find renewed appreciation for their partner and relationship once they address underlying issues successfully.

The courage required to confront sexual problems in marriage often translates to increased confidence in other life areas. Many people report feeling more authentic and self-aware after working through these challenging relationship issues.

Making the Final Decision

Evaluating Your Non-Negotiables

Every individual has certain needs and values essential for their happiness and well being. Identifying these non-negotiables helps clarify whether a sexless marriage can provide the fulfillment necessary for a satisfying life.

Schema therapy can help clarify which needs are truly non-negotiable for your well being. The Gottman Method encourages honest conversations about dreams, values, and shared meaning in relationships.

For some people, sexual intimacy is a fundamental need that cannot be compromised without significant impact on their mental health and life satisfaction. Others may find that emotional connection and companionship matter more than physical intimacy.

Understanding your own priorities and limits is crucial for making decisions about your relationship’s future. This self-awareness helps ensure that whatever choice you make aligns with your authentic needs and values.

Considering Long-term Implications

The decision to stay in or walk away from a sexless marriage has long-term implications extending beyond immediate sexual satisfaction. Consider how your choice will affect your mental health, life goals, and overall happiness over time.

Both EFT and schema therapy stress the importance of considering your core needs and long-term emotional health when making decisions about your marriage and future relationships.

Some people choose accepting a sexless marriage because other relationship aspects provide sufficient fulfillment. Others decide that life is too short to live without sexual intimacy and choose pursuing more compatible partnerships.

There’s no universally correct choice in these situations. The best decision aligns with your authentic needs, values, and vision for your life while considering the welfare of any children or other affected parties.

Moving Forward with Courage

Whether you choose working on your marriage or walking away, moving forward requires courage and commitment to your own well being. Both paths involve challenges, uncertainties, and the need for ongoing personal growth.

Whether you stay or go, strengthening your “Healthy Adult” mode and seeking authentic connection—within yourself and with others—will serve you well in all future relationships.

Staying in the marriage while working on sexual issues requires patience, vulnerability, and faith in the possibility of change. Leaving requires courage to face an uncertain future while grieving the loss of the relationship you hoped to have.

Either choice can lead to a more fulfilling life if made thoughtfully and with proper support. The key is making conscious decisions rather than passively accepting circumstances that don’t serve your authentic needs and desires.

Finding Peace in Your Decision

Accepting Imperfect Solutions

Sometimes there are no perfect solutions to the complex challenges of a sexless marriage. Accepting this reality can provide peace and clarity as you navigate difficult decisions about your relationship’s future.

No approach guarantees perfect outcomes. Schema therapy, EFT, the Gottman Method, and Nagoski’s insights all agree: healing is a process, and growth often comes from embracing imperfection while striving for authenticity.

Every choice involves trade-offs and uncertainties. The goal isn’t finding perfect solutions but making the best possible decisions with information and resources available to you at this time.

Learning to live with imperfect solutions while continuing to grow and evolve is part of the human experience. Your current decision doesn’t have to be permanent, and you can continue making adjustments as circumstances change.

Honoring Your Journey

The process of confronting sexual issues in marriage requires tremendous courage and emotional strength. Regardless of the outcome, honor the work you’ve done to understand yourself and advocate for your needs.

Recognize the courage it takes to face these issues. Every step toward authenticity and connection—whether within your relationship or apart—is a step toward a more fulfilling life.

This experience, however painful, often leads to increased self-awareness, emotional maturity, and authenticity. These qualities serve you well in all areas of life, whether you stay married or pursue new relationships.

Trust that you have the wisdom and strength to navigate whatever comes next. Your willingness to face difficult truths and make hard choices demonstrates remarkable courage and commitment to living authentically.

Your Next Steps: The Loving at Your Best Plan

Your relationship deserves to be as vibrant and dynamic as the city you call home. Just as you wouldn’t settle for mediocre bagels or subpar pizza, you shouldn’t accept a marriage that’s lost its spark.

The sophisticated couples of Manhattan and Brooklyn deserve therapeutic support that matches their intelligence, emotional depth, and commitment to authentic relationships. Our Loving at Your Best Plan offers online couples therapy specifically designed for urban professionals who value both convenience and excellence—because we know your schedule doesn’t always allow for trekking to the Upper East Side for appointments.

Why Our NYC Couples Choose Online Therapy:

• No commute stress: Connect with your therapist from your Brooklyn Heights apartment or Tribeca loft
• Flexible scheduling: Evening and weekend sessions that work around your demanding career
• Privacy: Discuss intimate issues without worrying about running into colleagues in a Manhattan waiting room
• Expert guidance: Evidence-based approaches that address both urban stressors and deeper relationship patterns

Meet Your Expert Team: Therapists Who Understand When Love Gets Complicated

Travis Atkinson, LCSW, LICSW: Founder & Director

With nearly three decades of experience, Travis founded Loving at Your Best after recognizing that couples dealing with sexual disconnection need more than generic advice. He understands the unique pressures facing NYC couples, from the financial stress of Manhattan rent to the emotional exhaustion of navigating city life while trying to maintain intimacy.

Travis is certified in the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy, and Schema Therapy. They are the exact approaches that help couples understand why withholding sex becomes a control mechanism and how to rebuild authentic desire. When you’re considering walking away from a sexless marriage, Travis helps you identify whether you’re dealing with incompatible needs or deeper patterns that can be transformed.

Jon Prezant, LMSW: Couples & Sex Therapist

Jon brings the specialized expertise that Manhattan and Brooklyn couples desperately need: someone who understands both relationship dynamics and sexual health within intimate partnerships. As both a couples therapist and sex therapist, Jon comprehends how schema patterns specifically impact sexual intimacy.

When your relationship feels more like sophisticated roommates sharing a Gramercy Park studio than passionate partners, Jon helps identify whether you’re dealing with incompatible sex drives, responsive versus spontaneous desire patterns, or deeper emotional barriers. His integrated approach addresses both the symptoms and root causes of sexual disconnection.

Paul Chiariello, LMSW, MSc Ed: Couples & Individual Therapist

Paul’s diverse background makes him particularly skilled at helping urban couples navigate the complex intersection of personal identity and relationship dynamics. He specializes in helping couples recognize when they’re operating from old protective modes that once helped them survive city pressures but now create distance in their relationship.

His approach is grounded in mindfulness and schema therapy—perfect for couples where one partner has shut down emotionally while the other feels increasingly desperate for connection. Paul helps couples transition from survival mode to thriving, addressing the underlying patterns that create emotional distance.

Tiffany Goldberg, LMSW: Couples & Family Therapist

Tiffany brings Columbia-trained expertise that’s particularly valuable for couples where family-of-origin issues complicate sexual intimacy. Her experience with trauma survivors helps her understand how past experiences create current barriers to physical and emotional connection.

Her strengths-based, compassionate approach helps couples identify and transform unhelpful patterns while honoring the survival strategies that once protected them but now create distance in their marriage.

Ready to Reclaim Your Connection and Stop a Lack of Sex in Your Marriage?

Don’t let another year pass living as elegant strangers and a lack of sex in your beautiful NYC home. Whether you’re ready to rebuild intimacy or considering walking away from a sexless marriage, professional guidance can provide the clarity, support, and hope you need for your future.

Your relationship deserves the same level of sophistication and care that you bring to every other aspect of your life. Schedule your free consultation today and discover why couples across Manhattan and Brooklyn choose our expert team to help them create relationships as extraordinary as the city they love.

Contact us now to begin your journey toward authentic connection and lasting intimacy. Because you didn’t sign up for a lifelong roommate with benefits (minus the benefits).

Ready to take the first step? Schedule your free consultation or call us at 212-725-7774 to speak with one of our relationship specialists today.