Every married couple will inevitably face trials and tribulations along the way. As individuals, we are always learning, changing, and growing. This journey can be empowering and fulfilling, but it can also be alienating to your partner if you do not grow together as a couple as well. Many times, we are able to overcome these periods of turmoil on our own, but sometimes it can seem that the road to resolution is too obstacle-filled to do it on our own.
When couples face these make-or-break moments, marriage therapy is often recommended by friends and family. It may even be a path you have considered pursuing on your own. However, engaging in marriage and family therapy in NYC brings along a list of questions and considerations. You may wonder, what is the success rate of marriage counseling? Or even, does marriage therapy really work?
Maybe you have known other couples that went through couples or individual therapy to try and mend their marriage issues only to see them still end up in a nasty divorce. Therapy can be expensive, and therapy can feel really invasive. In order for therapy to work, you have to be open in your mind and heart to truly listen to what your spouse has to say and also to trying the techniques presented by the therapist you are working with.
Therapy is not always an easy road, and it takes thought, commitment, and effort. But, the good news is it can truly save your marriage and bring you closer as a couple, thus resulting in relationship fulfillment and joy that you never thought possible. It doesn’t mean that you will never have another disagreement or be at odds, but it does mean that you will have the tools in your toolbox to work through those times and come out better on the other side.
As you can see from above, marriage therapy can be a great thing for couples, but for some reason, many people are still very skeptical about taking the leap into a marriage and family therapy nyc program. This is somewhat understandable given that not long ago, many couples therapy models only offered moderate success in keeping marriages intact. However, couple’s therapy techniques pioneered by marriage researchers like John Gottman have proven much more effective in attaining the end goal of a saved marriage.
What makes Gottman Method Couples Therapy revolutionary is the ability to identify critical behaviors that couples should absolutely avoid in order to remain satisfied together. Such actions included nixing sarcastic and cutting remarks toward one another, even in jest. He also wholeheartedly felt that couples should pursue building a lasting and deep friendship along with the romantic side of the relationship.
Taking these principles along with working inside the therapeutic rationale known as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is now effective at helping to save the marriages of nearly 75% of couples who come for help. Let’s take a closer look at exactly what Emotionally Focused Therapy is and why it works so well to help relationships that are faltering.
ALL ABOUT EFT
In a nutshell, EFT is a systematic approach that helps couples in distress change the way that they interact with one another. It is not as much about changing specific behaviors as it is about changing the emotional engagement between partners. For instance, couples work on staying calm, even during conflict. As the reaction changes to a healthier response, the couple’s bond is slowly restored and deepened.
This metamorphosis doesn’t occur overnight, as it is a rewiring of unhealthy behavior patterns that have often existed throughout a relationship since its inception. Couples can spend 6 months or longer in regular Emotionally Focused Therapy to relearn how to engage in healthy interactions. The great news is that if your marriage is on the rocks, those who commit to this type of therapy and put in the work can be helped.
As mentioned earlier, positive outcomes can and do happen when you get together with a therapist who is trained in therapies like EFT, Gottman Method Couples Therapy, and Schema Therapy for Couples. The therapist is there to guide and facilitate healing, but you, as the couple, also have to commit to do the work it may take to improve or even save your marriage.
You will greatly enhance your chances for a positive outcome in your marriage by coming to the table open to learning new skills. The therapy can help you become more emotionally available to your partner, and to work towards feeling safe enough to be more vulnerable. As you improve in the marriage therapy, you’ll start to switch your mindset to experience your partner or spouse as a teammate rather than an adversary. Viewing one another as partners in crime, per se, automatically helps you to be more cooperative with each other, as you are working on a common goal — feeling more satisfied in your relationship with each other.
Lastly, a positive outcome is extremely challenging if your heart has hardened and empathy for the plight of your partner or spouse no longer exists. It is not uncommon for many couples to wait 5 or 6 years into having major issues before they ever seek outside assistance, and by this point, many pairs have accumulated multiple relationship injuries that require urgent interventions to stop the bleeding and to save the marriage.
Don’t wait until your marriage is flat-lined to reach out for life support. The question, “Does marriage therapy really work?” is asked of me all the time, and my emphatic answer is yes! No person is perfect and no relationship is permanently idyllic — although wouldn’t it be nice if there was such a thing? Asking for help can often be hard to do. No one likes to admit they are struggling, but taking that step can be the start of a new beginning. You loved your spouse enough to say “I do.” Show them you choose them again by accepting help and learning to grow together so that you can have your ‘forever together’ after all.