5 Crucial Steps to Fixing a Broken Marriage

How to Save My Marriage

5 Crucial Steps to Fixing a Broken Marriage

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All couples go through a rough patch in their relationship. Unfortunately for some, these rough patches can lead to divorce. But if your marriage is going through troubled times, all is not lost. There is still hope for reconciliation – if you determine that is what you want – so you do not end up in divorce. It is important to know how to fix a broken marriage so that you can save your relationship.

How to Fix a Broken Marriage in 5 Steps

As mentioned above, the steps listed below are crucial in order to save your relationship. However, you must understand that you cannot get things back to the way they were. You have to live with the fact that you were once at the point of separation and that you must work doubly hard in order to keep your relationship and marriage strong.

It takes two to tango, so they say. Both parties must put in the effort to make your relationship work again; if not, then you are doomed to fail. Make sure you openly discuss with your partner where you want to go moving forward so that you are on the same page. 

Step 1: Determine why you are doing this.

This is the most important step on how to fix a broken marriage and should be considered before you do anything else. Why are you willing to go to such trouble to fix your marriage? What do you hope to get at the end of it all?

Make sure that you both know what that is and (ideally) it is the same for both of you. Again, if you want different things, then it will be difficult to align the steps that you must take in order to get there. 

Fixing a broken marriage takes a lot of time, hard work, patience, and sometimes, money. You have to be fully in it for it to work; otherwise, you are wasting each other’s time.

fixing a broken marriage

Step 2: Reflect on what’s wrong with the relationship.

Once you are in agreement that you both want the same thing and that both parties are willing to put in the effort, you can begin the actual work of fixing your broken marriage. Here are some questions you need to ask yourselves to come to grips with what went wrong in your relationship and how you can fix it:

  • Why have you grown apart?

  • What is it about your spouse that annoys you the most? 

  • Did your marriage troubles arise out of recurring habits of your partner or was it triggered by a specific event? 

A lot of broken marriages end up that way because of a few things: lack of communication, infidelity, financial crisis, and lack of affection or intimacy. Whichever of these reasons led to the downfall of your marriage, you must be able to identify it so that you can address it in the proper way. 

It is difficult to dissect your marriage and admit that certain things went wrong. However, you need to identify the problems so that you can map out the steps you need to get past those issues and move forward with your relationship.

Step 3: Relearn how to communicate effectively.

Once you identify the potential issues that have plagued your relationship in the past, the next step is to communicate – effectively. Just because you are talking to each other does not mean that you are communicating effectively. Effective communication requires the ability to listen actively.

When you talk to each other, be as invested in listening to them and hearing their side as much as you want to be heard. Also, keep an open mind. Try to see things from their perspective. If they value something, then you need to pay attention to it and address the situation the best way you know how. 

Take time to analyze their non-verbal cues. If you have been married for some time, you should be able to pick up on these cues and what they mean. If not, then you need to work on your ability to understand their emotional reactions and non-verbal responses. Show genuine interest in what they say instead of waiting on your turn to speak out. 

Step 4: Find a way to reconnect and fix things yourself.

Working on your communication skills is not enough. If you want to know how to fix a broken marriage, you must also find ways to reconnect with each other. What is it about your spouse that made you fall in love in the first place? Do you enjoy doing things together? 

In the early days of your marriage, you might have enjoyed doing things together such as traveling, cooking, or engaging in your favorite activities. Use this time to do those things again. It will help rekindle your connection. It is also one of the tricks that you can use in order to spend more alone time together. 

Finding ways to reconnect again is a simple yet effective way to fix a broken marriage. You don’t have to spend a lot of money to do these things. Just pick an activity that you both enjoy. 

How to Fix a Broken Marriage in 5 Steps

Step 5: Seek professional help (or help from others).

Once you have decided to get back together and mend your marriage, you can also enlist the help of others. For example, you can tell your immediate family members about it. They can provide you with emotional and moral support during this difficult process. It becomes easier to pursue things when you know that the people you trust most have your back. 

You can also get help from a marriage counselor. These professionals are trained and certified in helping couples to rekindle romance or fix issues within their marriage. Therefore, you can trust their expert opinion to help navigate the delicate steps needed to restore your broken marriage. 

How to Fix a Broken Marriage: Don’ts

In order to succeed at fixing a marriage, here are a few things that you need to avoid:

  • Don’t blame one another for what went wrong in the marriage.

  • Don’t let any distractions get in the way of your progress.

  • Don’t let the opinion of others distract you. 

  • Don’t lie to yourself or your spouse. 

  • Don’t be oblivious to the fact that it might still not work no matter how hard you try.

There is no one-size-fits-all formula on how to fix a broken marriage. You can follow the steps recommended above and it still won’t work unless you give you fully invest your time, patience  time and effort. In the end, the future of your marriage lies in your – and your spouse’s – hands. 


  • Travis Atkinson

    Travis Atkinson, L.C.S.W., is the Director and Creator of the Loving at Your Best Plan. He has extensive training in marriage and couples therapy, based on over 27 years in practice, earning certificates from top-rated couples therapy models, including: *Certified Advanced Schema Therapist, Supervisor and Trainer for Individuals and Couples *Certified Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist and Supervisor *Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist *Certified Group Psychotherapist *Honorary Lifetime Member of the International Society of Schema Therapy Travis is a co-author of the latest schema mode therapy inventory, the SMI. He is also the co-author of two chapters in the recently published “Creative Methods in Schema Therapy: Advances and Innovation in Clinical Practice (Routledge, 2020) and author of “Schema Therapy for Couples: Healing Partners in a Relationship” in the Handbook of Schema Therapy (Wiley-Blackwell, 2012).

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