We all carry raw spots, areas of sensitivity shaped by temperament and lived experience. In a close relationship, these spots get activated more than anywhere else.
They’re not weaknesses. They’re the residue of being human in proximity to someone who matters.
Ask yourself the following questions to see if you have one or more of the following sensitivities:
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“Do you worry a lot that your partner will leave you or die?”
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“Do you feel desperate when your partner pulls away from you?”
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“Do you expect that it is only a matter of time before your partner betrays you?”
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“Do you try to hurt your partner before they can hurt you?”
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“Do you feel like your partner doesn’t really understand you, isn’t really connected to you, or withholds warmth and affection from you?”
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“Do you expect your partner to know what you need without expressing your needs, then become disappointed or angry when they fails to meet your expectations?”
How This Plays Out in Relationships
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“Do you believe that your partner wouldn’t love you if they knew the real you?”
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“Do you look down on people who admire you, or who accept you?”
A positive response to any of the above questions indicates an area of sensitivity for you in your marriage or love relationship.
You didn’t choose your sensitivities. They formed through experience.
When your brain picks up a signal that resembles something dangerous from the past, it reacts, even when the current situation is different. That’s not irrationality. That’s biology doing its job.
Share Your Experiences
Do you know when a raw spot is being activated in your relationship?
Signs include: an intense reaction that doesn’t match the situation, a shutdown or urge to withdraw, or a flood of emotion that feels much bigger than what just happened.
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