emotionally focused therapy nyc

Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy for Dummies: Released Today!

We are excited to announce the publication today, July 29, 2013 of "Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy for Dummies" by Brent Bradley and James Furrow, a nice supplement to "Hold Me Tight," the book by the creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy, Sue Johnson. You can purchase your copy in paperback now by clicking on the book below (directing you to the Barnes and Noble website), on Amazon.com, or your favorite local bookstore. (It is not yet available for download on Kindle or iBooks) 

Overview from Barnes and Noble Description of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy for Dummies:

You may purchase Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy for Dummies at Barnes & Noble, Amazon, or your favorite local bookstore.

You may purchase Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy for Dummies at Barnes & Noble, Amazon, or your favorite local bookstore.

A practical, down-to-earth guide to using the world's most successful approach to couples therapy

One of the most successful therapeutic approaches to healing dysfunctional relationships, emotionally focused couples therapy provides clients with powerful insights into how and why they may be suppressing their emotions and teaches them practical ways to deal with those feelings more constructively for improved relationships. Unlike cognitive-behavioural therapy, which provides effective short-term coping skills, emotionally focused therapy often is prescribed as a second-stage treatment for couples with lingering emotional difficulties. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy For Dummies introduces readers to this ground-breaking therapy, offering simple, proven strategies and tools for dealing with problems with bonding, attachment and emotions, the universal cornerstones of healthy relationships.

  • An indispensable resource for readers who would like to manage their relationship problems independently through home study
  • Delivers powerful techniques for dealing with unpleasant emotions, rather than repressing them and for responding constructively to complex relationship issues
  • The perfect introduction to EFT basics for therapists considering expanding their practices to include emotionally focused therapy methods
  • Packed with fascinating and instructive case studies and examples of EFT in action, from the authors' case files
  • Provides valuable guidance on finding, selecting and working with the right EFT certified therapist

From the Back Cover of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy for Dummies on Amazon.com

Learn to:

  • Grasp the basics of emotionally focused therapy (EFT)
  • Work more effectively with the emotions essential to lasting love
  • Mend complex issues in your relationship

A down-to-earth guide to one of the world's leading approaches to couple therapy!

Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) helps you find deeper satisfaction and more effective ways to connect with your partner at a profound emotional level by teaching you powerful ways to transform negative patterns and to build a stronger bond. Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy For Dummies will introduce you to this ground-breaking therapy, which has been consistently proven to be one of the most successful therapies for couples wanting to improve their relationships and resolve chronic couple distress and dissatisfaction. Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy For Dummies is your one-stop resource to this increasingly popular approach to healing relationships.

  • Start with the basics of EFT — understand the power of emotion in your relationship, and identify the three levels of emotional experience
  • Delve into the intricacies of your relationship — find the common patterns of couple conflict and the roles you play within them
  • Develop a solution together — become familiar with how to find intimacy in your relationship in new ways
  • Identify when you may need couple therapy — know which questions to ask therapists before you make an appointment

Open the book and find:

  • The fundamentals of emotionally focused couple therapy
  • Exercises to try at home with your partner
  • Ways to stay away from negative patterns and roles
  • The three fighting styles, and how to work through them
  • Tips on dealing with infidelity
  • How to find an EFT therapist that's right for you
  • Ten myths about sex

About the Author

Brent Bradley, PhD, is Associate Professor of Family Therapy at the University of Houston-Clear Lake, and president of The Couple Zone (www.couplezone.org). Dr. Bradley is a certified emotionally focused couple therapist, supervisor, and trainer. James Furrow, PhD, is Professor of Marital and Family Therapy at the Fuller Graduate School of Psychology. Dr. Furrow is executive director of the Los Angeles Center for EFT and a certified emotionally focused couple therapist, supervisor, and trainer.

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    How Can You Make Your Marriage or Love Last?

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    What Does a Lasting Love Look Like? When your marriage or love relationship is in a secure place, you’re able to pause and observe what is happening when you and your partner or spouse are getting stuck, regulating your emotions, and then reflecting on what the conflict between the two of you means for both of you. Once you understand and make sense of the meaning for yourself and your spouse or partner, you can then ask for what you need, and be open to responding to what your partner or spouse needs.

    What Does a Distressed Marriage or Couple Look Like? If your marriage or love relationship is distressed, you most likely will have difficulty managing your emotions, understanding the meaning for both of you behind conflicts, and responding effectively with what you both need. In a distressed marriage or love relationship, you’ll likely get stuck in the typical negative patterns of the “Demon Dialogues” described in "Hold Me Tight" by Sue Johnson, the creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy:

    • Attack/Defend
    • Attack/Attack
    • Withdraw/Withdraw

    The negative patterns you get stuck in are most likely reactions to the “raw spots” or sensitivities that all of us have in our marriages or love relationships. These sensitivities filter through what is happening in the moment between you and your partner or spouse, using the lens of associations from your past experiences.

    What are these Core sensitivities?

     

    • Abandonment
    • Emotional Deprivation
    • Mistrust
    • Defectiveness

    When your love relationship or marriage is emotionally secure, you and your partner or spouse may hit areas of sensitivity at times while managing them in a way that can actually be healing. For instance, if you’ve experienced instability in your key relationships, your partner or spouse can work on staying emotionally present with you when your fears arise, helping you to soothe the sense of danger your mind expects from unreliable relationships. As you work to soften your reactions to your partner or spouse, he or she responds in ways that help you know you can rely on him or her, even without being perfect. The expectation in your mind that important people aren't reliable or won't be there for you shifts to knowing from experiencing that your partner or spouse is there for you.

    What Can You Do To Improve Your Marriage or Love Relationship? 

    1. Identify the negative pattern that takes over your marriage or love relationship when you feel disconnected or alone
    2. Define the sensitivities you and your partner or spouse have underneath the intense emotions or numbing out that occur
    3. Invite your partner or spouse to "take the elevator down" with you into your deeper emotions (fear, sadness, shame), and help him or her understand your vulnerable side
    4. Identify what you need, based on your emotional state. Ask your partner clearly and directly for your need to be met, most importantly, in an inviting way
    5. Understand your partner or spouse and his or her vulnerabilities, along with the meaning behind what upsets him or her. Invite your partner or spouse to tell you directly what he or she needs

     

    Share Your Experience in Your Marriage or Love Relationship

    Have you had times when you've realized you've been caught in a negative pattern with your partner or spouse? Do you know what lied underneath the conflict for you and for him or her? Have you found a way to successfully navigate conflicts in your marriage or love relationship? Share your experiences, and help others learn more. 

    Need a Marriage or Couples Counselor or Therapist in NYC?

    The Loving at Your Best plan for marriage and couples counseling and therapy in NYC helps couples learn to reconnect and to thrive. Even if your relationship has been stuck in a very negative place for a long time, there can still be significant hope that you and your spouse or partner can get your relationship back. If you'd like more information, contact our office today at 212-725-7774, or schedule an appointment directly online: www.LovingatYourBest.Genbo ok.com

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    How Your Brain Protects You and Can Hurt You in Your Marriage or Love Relationship

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    In your marriage or love relationship, your mind wants to protect you from the possibility of abandonment, hurt, or betrayal that you may have experienced from a prior significant relationship. However, your brain is much more likely to keep you alive if it overestimates the links or associations between what is going on in your present life and your past, even as a child. If your brain underestimates the connections with past injuries, you could die. One problem with this advanced survival machine called the brain is that overestimations can often backfire in your current marriage or love relationship, and your partner or spouse may be the unfortunate recipient of past sensitivities that either are not relevant or only minimally connected to the present with your partner or spouse.

    All of us have memories that we are not literally aware of, but that our brain does not forget. A part of our brain always remembers events: the hippocampus, a memory center in your right, emotional hemisphere where early memories are formed and associations are stored that you are not aware of. The other part of your brain where memory is stored connected with danger or threats is called the amygdala, located in your right hemisphere, and the emotional source of fear that ties in with your upper-intenstinal area (what many call “butterflies in your stomach”). Memory that is stored in your amygdala includes experiences you are aware of: when I was 4, I touched the stove and burnt myself, so I don’t want to touch a hot stove again.

    How Your Brain Affects Your Marriage or Love Relationship

    Your brain is an anticipation machine, constantly anticipating what is happening in your current marriage or love relationship based on your past relationships. However, these past associations may not apply to your current relationship, and this could get you into trouble without you even necessarily knowing why. 

    Neurons that fire together wire together: new experiences can replace the old beliefs

     

    The closer your emotional connection with your partner or spouse, the more likely you are to express openly your sensitivities and vulnerabilities that you are aware of from your past, which dramatically helps your partner or spouse manage your sensitivities and respond with antidotes to your past hurts or betrayals. Every time your partner or spouse gives you the response that you need, your brain learns a new pattern, and neuronal firing occurs in your mind that eventually creates a new neuronal cluster or schema that shapes how you perceive yourself, relationships, and the world. Schemas are highlighted by the creator of schema therapy, Jeffrey Young, in Reinventing Your Life. Every time you reach out and invite your partner or spouse to understand, soothe, comfort, reassure, and validate you, your mind connects these experiences and creates associations that lead to expectations for safety and security in your marriage or love relationship. 

    How to Truly Live in the Present

    Research clearly demonstrates that your early experiences are not nearly as important in shaping your life as how you’ve reflected and “made sense of” those experiences, how you understand your story, so that you’re choosing to put yourself in situations that reinforce healthy beliefs or schemas in your current life. For instance, instead of staying with a partner who is likely to abandon you because he or she is still married and living with his or her spouse, you commit to a partner who is available, able to commit, and lives in proximity to you, even though he or she isn’t perfect (an antidote to the abandonment schema).

    If you and your partner or spouse do not have safety and security in your marriage or relationship, you’re much more likely to get stuck in a negative pattern that includes frustration and anger or detachment and withdrawal. The patterns involve negative coping strategies that were once adaptive when you were hurt long ago. However, the same strategies that were so effective can backfire, and reinforce the likelihood that you’ll receive the responses you’re most afraid of from your partner or spouse. These coping strategies are referred to as the “Demon Dialogues” in Hold Me Tight, by Sue Johnson, the creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy, in “Conversation 1.” The negative patterns usually create stronger neuron clusters in the mind that reinforce your worst schemas about yourself, relationships, and the world.

    Share Your Experiences

    Have you noticed a time when you became emotionally upset in your marriage or love relationship, but didn't know why your reaction was so strong? re there times when you feel your partner or spouse is having an intense reaction that doesn't seem to fit the situation he or she is in? Share your experiences and help our community learn from each other. If you find this marriage & couples counseling and therapy in NYC blog helpful, please share it with your partner or spouse, and your friends and family.

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